Lessons from Transactional Analysis (TA) – Part One

Many of my therapy clients are familiar with TA since it is often used as a part of their therapeutic process. TA is an effective way of educating, explaining, and applying therapeutic and healing processes for many clients who are “stuck” in their own thoughts and beliefs or are struggling with close relationships.

In my practice, I often use the TA concepts of “ego positions (I’m ok, you’re ok), “strokes”, “ego states (parent, adult, child)”, “games people play”, “life scripts”, and “contracts”. Today, I want to focus on ego positions of “I’m ok, you’re ok”.

In brief, TA is a social psychology developed by Eric Berne, MD, perhaps made famous from the still popular book, “I’m ok, you’re ok,” written by Thomas A. Harris, MD in 1967. Even today, over 40 years later, you can purchase this book off the shelf in many popular bookstores.

Why is this book (and Transactional Analysis) so popular?

Over the decades Eric Berne's theory has evolved to include applications to psychotherapy, counseling, education, and organizational development. At one time or another we all have heard “I’m ok, you’re ok” and all of its variations: I’m ok, you’re NOT ok; I’m NOT ok, you’re ok; and I’m NOT ok, you’re NOT ok.

“I’m OK, You’re OK” establishes and reinforces the position that recognizes the value and worth of you and of others. The term “OK” regards people as basically capable of change, growth, and healthy interactions. Yet, many of us struggle with the “OK-ness” of ourselves and others.
When we struggle with our personal “ok-ness”, we are in essence struggling with a low level of self-esteem/love. The goal of TA work is to help us regain our sense of esteem/love and open us up to connections with other people in meaningful ways.

When we struggle with the “ok-ness” of others, we often find ourselves in unsatisfactory relationships or dealing with loneliness, isolation, and judgmentalism. The goal of TA work is to help us deepen our ability to trust and feel some measure of safety in our relationships.

Where do you currently sit with your “ok-ness” - with yourself and others? When you have a moment, find a peaceful place to relax and contemplate your ego position.

Questions or comments?