Resolutions: "Better" or "Different?"

Tis’ the season for… resolutions.

Bad habits, weight loss, career goals, new friends, money, relationship improvement – all are fair game and fodder for the resolution grist mill. We’ve all made resolutions at one time or another and occasionally achieved some good results from a few of them while most others go by the wayside to make next year’s list.

Resolutions are about “change” (“I want a better result in my life”) and our desires for positive change have common threads.

We want to change in meaningful ways our thinking, feelings, and behaviors. We are seeking better outcomes.

Resolutions are seductive and our outcome fantasies seem wonderful, yet we somehow manage not to achieve or desired result. Come springtime, we are back to our old habits and ways. Change is hard to implement. Why?

An answer lays in understanding the dichotomy of “better” and “different.” This concept is what all therapists have to understand with every client that sits on our couches. It is about motivation: do I want “better” (meaning “relief”) or do I want “different” (meaning “fundamental change”).

Using the example of an alcoholic, does he/she want relief from alcohol and the unmanageability (consequences) his drinking causes or does he want freedom from alcohol and the peace of mind and stability that sobriety affords. This model is true for resolutions of all types: quitting smoking, diet and exercise, relationships, and so on.

Why not both “better” AND “different”? Because these are two separate focuses of motivations.

“Better” is a relief-seeking motivation for change while “different” is a fundamental change in lifestyle. Resolutions based on “better” will sooner or later collapse under the weight of old thinking, beliefs, and habits. Resolutions based on “different” will change our thinking, beliefs, and habits leading to permanent changes in our lives.

So for your New Year’s resolution, ask yourself: is my motivation to be “better” or “different?”

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Care to comment?

(The Good Mental Health concepts for this blogpost are: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results”; “Courage – doing the ‘next right thing’ in spite of fear”; “The inner dialogue – self talk and self reflection”)